bizefingers

I would like to add my 2 cents worth to my classmate's post.

My story is similar. I had finished one year of college before deciding to put my education on hold. I too, worked full-time as a Dental Assistant and part-time on the weekends and evenings at a deli so my husband (also now an ex-) could get his degree (also in engineering). We had 2 wonderful kids and we both agreed that it would be better for them to be raised by me than by a minimum wage babysitter at a daycare. I became a stay-at-home-mom over 10 years ago, when it was not a popular decision. (I am still amazed at the negative responses that women get when they make this very personal decision, as if they are free-loading on society). I love being able to be there for my kids when they get sick. I love being available to participate in the activities from preschool and gymnastics then; and now soccer and hockey. I agree with Barb, I don't think anyone would have more patience with my kids on their bad days than I do-- even on my bad days.

But, what I would like to add to her post about women and education, is the importance of finishing that stage first. When a woman takes the time to get an education before having kids or before getting married, she is giving herself options. My marriage quickly moved from the 'honeymoon' stage to the nightmare stage. Without an education to support myself, I became financially dependent on this man. That financial dependence left me trapped in a very dangerous relationship for far too long. Had I finished my education, I feel I would have been able to leave at the very first signs of abuse. I would have had the confidence of a career that I could support myself and my kids. You can bet, that today and every day, my dd is getting the message driven home that she is going to go to college and finish. (an example that I am now living out before her).

I want my daughter to have options, options that may save her life.
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After reading this post, and knowing the author personally, I was a bit alarmed as to what may have prompted the topic. I have been thinking about this for several hours.

This subject is often spoken about in cliches and rarely are there any solutions available when the conversation is over or directed to another, less volatile subject.

I never think of myself as a feminist mainly because of the stigma attached to the word. When I hear 'feminist', I hear 'militant'. I think of women who hate men and masculinity (I understand that not all feminists hate men, this is just my gut reaction to the word). I think of the Oprah show. I think of early movements that drove wedges between the genders. I feel out of balance because I think that in the effort to reach some semblance of equality the cost to our society has been too great for BOTH genders.

Men have been inundated with 'touchy-feely' propaganda that has emasculated them and I am sick of it. I agree with this author, I think that we need to give men the freedom to be men. He says however, that this freedom is never to include violence against women.

And women...

Well, I looked up the word 'feminist' and this is how my dictionary defines the word: "One that advocates or practices feminism."

feminism: n "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes."

What I didn't see in the definition was anything that called for equality on the physical level. So back to the prompt for this post. When are men going to understand that while a woman may appear strong in many ways; socially, economically, politically, we are not and never will be physically equal to physical expressions of anger?

I say it will be when both genders understand that there ARE differences and accept them and deal with them. But, really it needs to go beyond acceptance and there needs to be a celebration of those differences for being assets, NOT liabilities.

I have no answers, and after rereading this post, it too sounds somewhat cliche. As for me, I am going to do my best to teach my kids to celebrate the differences in the opposing gender. That is all I can do, that is all the further my influence reaches.
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Having the kidlets all to myself this weekend, there was an impromptu decision to go off line and totally enjoy the uninterrupted days, hours, minutes of the weekend without cell phone calls or internet. It was a wonderful reminder of what it was like in the good 'ole days prior to all this technology that keeps us all instantly in touch with the outside world. We went places, we visited with friends, we laughed at each other and with each other, we ate (a lot and often) and now we all need a nap so we can recover from our weekend.
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As the kidlets made vocal note of this morning, we have officially moved from the slushy season to the muddy season, which in turn is followed by the brown season and then it will be summer.
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We had a wonderful thunderstorm today. While napping in my bedroom (feeling feverish still), I could hear the kids playing in the other room. They too, were enjoying the thunder, lightening, and hail.

Then they started to reminisce about a thunderstorm we had last spring that knocked out power for several hours. That day, we also saw a funnel cloud forming off in the distance. It was a pretty powerful storm. In an effort to keep the kids away from the windows and illuminate the shadows, I had lit candles in the kitchen. I am not sure how but, some speculation developed as to whether a marshmallow would toast adequately over a candle flame. Being without television, and feeling a bit experimental, we tried it. Guess what? It works. You can actually do a nice job of toasting marshmallows and making S'Mores by candlelight.

It was fun to hear the kids reliving a memory like this. I had sort of forgotten about this day. By writing it out here, I hope that it will not slip from my memory again.
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I have been working on a new project that I finally feel is ready to share. It is a Movie Review site set up on a wiki page. A wiki page is a new format for publishing on the internet that allows for interaction. Go check it out and if you feel up to it, leave me some feedback (the instructions to leave feedback are on the home page).
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You know what surprises me about me?

I am a coffee drinker (this is not the surprise part). I don't love coffee but, I have to have coffee every morning -- OR ELSE*! It would be best if we just skip the details of the 'or else' part and...lets just say it isn't a flattering reflection of the author. It has to be strong, not a Midwesterner's version of strong -- I-am-talkin'-I-am-originally-from-Seattle! people! When I say strong: IT HAS TO BE STRONG! I don't like to be able to see light through the carafe when I pick it up off of the warming plate. And don't even think about trying to pass off a canned (*gasp*) version on me. Please refer back to the "originally-from-Seattle" statement, of course it will be Starbuck's if at all possible.

Short Sidebar:
* Once, when my dd was about 2-ish and just the right height to be level with my horizontal head cushioned on my bedpillow, this is how I started my day: I opened my eyes to see her lovely blue orbs innocently reflecting her love for me (in retrospect it may have been reverentual fear, hmmm). Before, I could greet her with a most pleasant "Good Morning, oh daughter of mine" (which, pre-coffee would probably have sounded more like *gasp, GrrMMngK...phsst-ahhhK*), she gained my full attention with these 7 words: "Mommy, have you had your coffee yet?" I was immediately awake and asking what was wrong. Was she sick? No. Was her brother sick? No. What then?... I don't even remember now (gimme a break -- it was pre-coffee after all). But, post-coffee I had this reflection: You know that you may have a serious dependency when your 2-year-old daughter knows that you will need to have coffee before her day can start. [As a strange bonus resulting from my need for coffee, my children are incredibly independent in the morning.] -- wow... feeling very vulnerable right now.

Back to our regulary occurring post...
So, to catch you up, I need coffee. I am even starting to enjoy the flavor a little bit. However, I have noticed that when I am sick and in particular, sick with a cold, that I crave tea. This surprises me.
Just thought I would share.
TTFN

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It is good to know that I am not the only one who has a problem straddling the fence of motherhood.


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No one can say it any better than she does.

*That's Mother-of-the-year-award in case you were wondering.
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I wish that I could make it through ONE spring without getting a nasty sinus infection.

I wish that I could go to school in my pajamas without anyone giving me strange looks or laughing at me.

I wish that there could be two of me on days like this so that I didn't have to wish that I could go to school in my pajamas.

I wish that my mom could make me some homemade soup and bring it over and fuss over me.

I wish that I could swallow without my ears popping.

I wish that food tasted good so that when I get hungry I could eat.

************

I could go on but, I have to take off my pajamas, put on real clothes, go to school, pick up kidlets from their school, make dinner, help them with their homework, do my homework and try to pretend that I don't have a nasty sinus infection.

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At first it was blue, then green, then natural. Now it is Flame Red #1432 -- which actually turned out to be more orange than red.

Being a mother is hard. That, I'm sure is a *DUH* statement. But, it is a precarious fence we walk with our children. On the one hand we want to desparately keep them safe from all the harm and hurt the world can dish out. On the other hand we want to desparately impart the tools to help them cope with all the harm and hurt the world can dish out. One of the ways that this is accomplished is through a cooperative relationship between parent and child that allows each child the freedom to express and experience the consequences for his/her choices. This is the fine line; knowing how much freedom can be allowed while still maintaining a close enough distance to catch them if they fall -- or -- even letting them fall, and being able to calculate the potential pain in contrast to the importance of the lesson learned.

Well, for several weeks now my ds has been asking for something specific. I have waited and asked him to wait. In his persistence with the issue I have had my apprehension for saying 'yes' removed. The time delay was my way of testing his heart, to see if this wish was a whim or a true reflection of his personality.

This Monday I said "Yes" and I was rewarded with a son who's happiness is derived from his freedom to be himself.

That being said, I must say how utterly proud I am of my ds for his bravery in self-expression. He is now sporting a mohawk that he, at first dyed blue, then green (for St. Patrick's Day) and now has dyed a semi-permanent orange.
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It is officially the first day of Spring, at least according to the calendar that is above my desk. So, in an effort to push the weather (19 degrees at 2 in the afternoon!) into cooperating friend A and I have decided to barbeque steaks. This should be interesting.


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A conversation ensued on the drive home from school in which the kidlets revealed that they don't like Chinese food. But after talking a bit further it was determined that maybe they didn't like Chinese food because their experience with that cuisine was derived almost exclusively through the school cafeteria. So, we decided to try the local Chinese restaurant that serves an all-you-can-eat buffet for dinner.

This seemed like a fabulous idea at the time. We ate our way through Chinese rice, sweet-and-sour chicken, barbeque pork, fried wantons, teriyaki chicken, broccoli chicken, chocolate pudding, tapioca pudding, peaches, mandarin oranges, pineapple chunks, ice cream, pastries, fortune cookies, and some vegetable stuff that had no name.

We were all stuffed like a Thanksgiving frig. --

Well, at least I thought we were...

Until... (we ran two errands on the way home, so the total elapsed time was maybe 1 hour between finishing our Chinese banquet and settling in at home for the evening).

Within 30 minutes of walking through the door, one at a time, each child had come to me and asked, "What's for dinner?"
To which I replied, "Are you serious!?"

No lie, they both wanted me to cook dinner. Even as I am typing this my ds is eating leftover spaghetti because I finally could not take the *whining* -- "I'm hungry!" anymore.
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On the way to the school to pick up the kidlets, I saw one of those plain white lettered sayings stuck in a pick-up truck's rear window.

It said:

Cowboy foreplay:

"Get in the truck"

Ok, maybe it is just me, maybe it is just too much homework, maybe it is a full moon. I don't know -- but I got a chuckle out of it.
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So, of course in Burrrmidji this means that it is a lovely 31 degrees and snowing! As I explained to dd this morning, I am not upset by this. After all we do live in northern Minnesota! (Besides -- it only strengthens my faith in Murphy's Law -- seeings how I have yet to fix the handle on the good snow shovel -- of course it is snowing still, *duh*). If we lived in Georgia, then maybe this would be a bit disconcerting. It is reasonable to expect warm spring weather down south. It is not nearly as reasonable to expect the same in northern Minnesota. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
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From what I understand, every college student has done it at least once. Doing it is really no big deal. It was really easy and it made me feel so good too. The reasons to do it vary from student to student but they all say it was the best thing that they ever did. I am assured that there will be no bad stigma attached to doing it and your reputation will not suffer either...

SO~

I decided to withdraw from a class that was just too much for me to handle right now.
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...if there is such a thing.

But considering our past history, a week is a lifetime to fish in this house, so it is worth mentioning that we are still caring for 3 fish! And the water pH levels are checking out fine, so we are doing a good job there too.

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And another one.
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Ok~ This is just too funny to keep to myself.
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a public service announcement;

I officially have writer's block. I have unproductively sat at my computer for 5 days in a row. I have opened a blank word document every time and waited... nothing has evolved...and just to make things even more discouraging, the power went out last night for a while and I fell asleep waiting for it to come back on so that I could sit at the computer and stare at the blank screen some more. This is the worst time for this to be happening too, as I have a 20 page project due in one class, another 20 page research-project in a different class, a web essay to write for my web design class, the movie reviews to catch up on (being behind by about 15 reviews) and a multitude of other minor assignments -- all of which involve writing. So... I don't know what to say which seems rather obvious in regards to the theme of this post.

ttfn ~ as I need to go try yet again to get the ideas to flow over the log jam and onto the paper.
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How silly of me...I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier; I will go get the handle fixed on our good snow shovel... then it will be Spring!! At this point I am willing to try anything -- near blizzard conditions last night and ZERO degrees this morning after having 45 degrees yesterday makes almost anyone desperate for Spring. (Well, that and the fact that I am officially on Spring Break... implying that it should be Spring weather too).
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ahhhh. it is snowing aGaiN!

That can mean only one thing.... TimE to paInt the ToeNaiLS!
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Well, 3 living Zebra Danios this morning. So, we made it through our first night. We were told by the pet store that we may have been over-feeding our goldfish so, this morning we each put one flake of food in. These tiny little fish started swimming around like sharks in a feeding frenzie. As tempting as it was to put more food in, we resisted. Tomorrow I will need to take a sample of tank water in so that we can track the pH -- that was another issue we had in keeping our goldfish alive. Who would have thought that caring for fish would be so stressful! I thought fish were supposed to be calming, good for lowering blood pressure and all.
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We are killers -- my dd, ds, and myself.

Despite our past we are jumping into the pond again.

We just brought home our second attempt at keeping fish as pets. The first attempt did not go well. Within 3 weeks we had killed 3 goldfish. The tank, rocks, plastic plants, and shell went into the closet for over 2 years.

This time we are trying our luck with smaller fish (and cheaper -- .79 versus $4.99 each).

Murphy's law says that these cheap fish will live way beyond our interest in keeping them alive.
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I must admit that I am a firm believer in Murphy's Law.

You know the law that says if you wash your car then it is bound to rain... even if you are in midst of a draught.

Well, We have 4 snow shovels -- it's March 8th (meaning Spring has been in northern Minnesota for 8 days now) but, on Friday afternoon, dd broke the best snow shovel, technically called a 'snow plow'. Since it was March 6th I figured we would be all right and could limp along on the remaining 3 shovels, one of which is cracked. However, both Friday and Saturday we were blessed with snow. We had a very early hockey game on Saturday morning so we were out in the driveway shoveling ourselves out with 2 plastic shovels; sized appropriately for 5 year olds and one regular blunt nosed shovel, that is really meant to be a garden shovel. And again, on Sunday, we had less snow but the wind had drifted it into rather deep piles in some parts of the driveway... and of course, respectful of Murphy's Law, those parts of the driveway that we needed to pass through.

The good note in all of this is that I have an incredibly short driveway.
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Day 2:

No goals scored today.

But -- Darn near had a fist fight. A couple of altercations between ds and another player had him swinging a couple of times. Good thing the coaches skate on the ice with the players during these tournaments, that kept things from getting out of control.

Guess I'm not too sure what I should say. After reading this book, (which I strongly recommend to all women who love men) I'm not surprised by his behavior, nor really all that upset by it. I think that this is a normal part of being a guy. I also think it is an important part of being a guy, knowing how to defend himself and -- if the need should arise, his loved-ones. I have noticed that in a relatively short time, hockey has become aggressive. There is a distinct increase in intensity between the first year Mites and the third year Mites. This is a good opportunity for other men (the coaches) to teach ds what it is to be male (especially since I am NOT qualified due to the estrogen in my blood).
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I am so proud!

After 2 VERY long years of hockey, ds finally scored his first and second goal today!
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Oh I can NOT describe my relief!

Milton was cancelled today.

This may not have the impact on any of you that it is having on me but it would be the equivalent of having an elephant that has been stepping on your toes finally move.

I've been Sprung... Spring Break here I come!
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It has been a rough week; two sick kids and falling behind on my homework. The good news - I have Spring Break next week. The bad news - I have homework to do. Maybe I can simulate the South Florida beach in my home... lord knows there is enough winter salt and sand on the carpet to complete the effect.

Oh... the Girl Scout cookie order was delivered yesterday. Yeah! Maybe I will try to ration the inventory this year to make it last longer. Yah know, I think I tried that last year too... hmm. Didn't work too well. Oh well...

EAT DESSERT FIRST! LIFE IS UNCERTAIN!
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I am going to share some unsolicited advice:

:: Never let your daughter talk you into a double batch of cookies. ::

Especially when there are only 3 of you to eat them. Do you know HOW many cookies a you get when you double the recipe?!! It is a lot. We will be eating cookies for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, tea, coffee break,...

And just in case you are thinking to yourself; Well! She'll not get my vote for MOTYA! Please remember that I have long since given up on ever being considered for that award.


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Woke up to the fresh smell of coffee this morning, tempting me to get out of bed.

Normally, this would be a good thing. Unfortunately, I forgot to reset the automatic brew time after the power interruption this weekend. So, this morning was actually 12:00 a.m.

Thank God for automatic shut off.
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I hate the words "Some day..."

Someday... we will go _________

Someday... we will have enough money to _______________

Someday... when I am done with school ______________

Someday... Someday... Someday...

My calendar shows::

That there is a Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | and Saturday.

But there is never a Someday!

Why does something always have to be scheduled on a 'Someday'. Why can't it happen on a real day of the week?


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