bizefingers

WOULD YOU PLEASE BLOG SOMETHING!!!
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Ya know I just love these kinds of stories. I feel so validated as a mother. I just can't wait to show this story to my darling, dearest (only), eye-rolling daughter and point and say: "See you are not the only one blessed with an immature mother. There are other kids out there suffering too..."
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Thanks to her for this bit of fun.

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GO TO BED LAST NIGHT? 1:07 a.m. (guess i technically didn't go to bed last night)

2. WHAT DID YOU EAT FOR LUNCH YESTERDAY? Half a turkey sandwich, sour cream and onion potato chips (for some reason onion flavored chips don't make me sick) Uh-Ohs (Oreos in reverse) and diet coke. The best part! I was on a field trip with my son.

3. FAVORITE PLACE TO GET COFFEE? In Bemidji=Moose A BRew -- Out of Bemidji=Her place, starbucks, Barnes and Noble

4. REGULAR OR DECAF? regular with raw sugar and vanilla creamer (NOT that fat-free crap either)

5. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? anywhere as long as the company is good

6. FRUIT OR FRUIT SMOOTHIE? fruit except bananas -- hate bananas

7. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT PREPARED? grilled unless its fish then deep fried

8. ONION RINGS OR FRENCH FRIES? has to be fries, I'm allergic to onions

9. FANCY DINNER OR PICNIC? picnic -- preferrably on the fishing boat or in the ice house

10. FAVORITE CANDY? Butterfinger

11. FAVORITE DESSERT? Fresh, hot, homemade chewy chocolate chip cookies

12. NUTS ON YOUR SUNDAES? no

13. WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PREFER-MAID OR PERSONAL CHEF? I don't think I would want a personal chef, I see the potential for weight gain. Maybe a maid if I had to pick, but I don't really see me as a hired help kind of person

14. FAVORITE T.V. SHOWS? Hockey and Monday Night Football

15. T.V. SHOW YOU CAN'T STAND TO WATCH? ALL of the so-called reality shows, especially the stupid Bachelor/Bachelorette shows that are so superficial

16. LAST BOOK YOU READ? Currently reading Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein"

17. FAVORITE BOOKS? "The Cat Who..." Mysteries

18. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? Shrek II

19. FAVORITE MOVIE? "Parent Trap" the remake with Lindsay Lohan

20. LAST CD/DVD YOU BOUGHT? CD= Cold Play "Yellow" DVD= "Miracle"

21. RADIO STATION YOU LISTEN TO? I pop between Country and Rock

22. WINTER, SPRING, SUMMER OR AUTUMN? All of em. By the time one is ending I am ready for the next one to start and that is why I like Minnesota so much because we have all of em here unlike Washington where the only way you know the season has changed is because the temperature of the rain has changed.

23. BEACH OR MOUNTAINS? beach! BeacH!! BEACH!!!

24. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM VACATION? Hawaii -- never been there

25. DO YOU LIKE TO BE SURPRISED? Not really, I get scared when I hear the words "I have a surprise for you" and I usually tense up

26. WHAT WAS THE LAST CARD YOU GAVE TO SOMEONE? Valentine's Day

27. FAVORITE SPORT? Hockey and Football

28. FAVORITE COLOR/COLORS? hot pink * red * purple

29. FAVORITE PET? Dog

30. PAPER OR PLASTIC? paper

31. FAVORITE STORE TO SHOP? I don't like to shop -- maybe Barnes and Noble or Gander Mountain I take that back, I like to shop when it's for other people

32. FAVORITE PERFUME? Escada Sentiments -- its my one splurge

33. HOW MANY RINGS ARE YOU WEARING? zero -- oops -- one, I forgot about the toe ring

34. NAILS POLISHED OR UNPOLISHED? Fingers=unpolished Toes=polished

35. SUITS OR DRESSES? Suit -- bathing suit with a sundress over it, so I guess - BOTH would be more accurate

36. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE? Only one thing...hmmm
maybe my on-going battle with my weight

37. What Characteristics do you expect THE MOST IN A PERSON? strength & loyalty

38. CHARACTERISTICS YOU DISLIKE THE MOST IN A PERSON? Lying & Gossiping
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Is it really Tuesday already?

I guess the final week of school for anyone goes by quickly. This is the final week of school for the kidlets and they are getting excited to be done for the year.

But, that is not really what I wanted to talk about tonight.

She asked a question on her blog earlier this week and I have been thinking about my answer.

So, here's her question.

And here's my answer:

It is not, despite what anyone might expect, my children. First of all they are not possessions, they are people, albeit miniature people. But, they are individuals nonetheless and I would no more consider them a possession than I would want to be considered a possession myself. Secondly, as individuals, they ultimately belong to God.

But, the thing that I possess that is the most important "thing" in my life is my resilience. It is a characteristic that no one can take away. I can only lose it if I give it away or discard it. It is the "thing" that has gotten me through too many life-threatening traumas, and some just plain painful and awful experiences, to effectively recount here.

Sometimes it is not a good characteristic because it means that I can withstand a lot of shitty treatment before I will have to quit the fight and go lick my wounds. But, it also means that I will fight for the ones that I love for as long as I can remain standing upright.

Closely tied to resilience is my faith in God, also something that no one can take away from me. Similar but different; my faith is what fuels my resilience.

Why are these so important to me? Because of the two children that rely on me to be there for them.

So, there are the two "things" that I would consider my prize possessions and why I treasure them.
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So, the grades are in.

Four "A"s and one "B".

The "B" was a surprise. I thought for sure that that was going to turn out to be a "C" because the mid-term grade and research paper didn't get as good of marks on them as I would have hoped. But, I must have done something right on the final to get the totals up to a "B".

Anyway~

I promised myself that I would NOT read any book unless it was my pick. NO body else's BUT mine. For almost 2 years EVERYTHING that I have read has been at someone else's insistence.

So, I am starting with Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein". Then, I will be reading some of my favorite mysteries, "The Cat Who..." series. Also on the docket are the Harry Potter stories. In addition to those pieces, I have about 5 novels that are written for children ages 8-12.

Surprising as it may seem, I am having a hard time sitting down and reading anything at the moment. I am still having something that can only be described as a mild case of post tramatic homework induces stress syndrome. Every evening I put the kids to bed and plop on the couch and seriously almost have to chant a little mantra for about 30 seconds.

"You have no homework -- You have no homework -- You have no homework..."

Only then can I settle into the hockey playoffs, a tv show, or a book and enjoy my free time, finally free of guilt.

TTFN~ I am off to read about Frankie baby...
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And here I thought being a soccer mom would be one of the warmer posts I would fill as a mother.

NOT!!

Holy Ice Cubes Batman!!

It was 47 degrees this morning -- this May 22nd morning. My dd wore gloves on her hands and a long sleeved t-shirt under her uniform top. And I shivered and shook within 5 minutes of standing on the field only to find out that "NO, we are not playing ONE game -- we are actually scheduled for THREE games this morning". So, not only are we not dressed properly for the weather we are not dressed properly for the weather for that length of time (appr. 2.5 hours). But being the stout and hearty "hockey mom" that I am I know a few sideline dance steps that will keep you warm enough to endure any frozen tundra.

Game one did not go well. DD took a soccer ball to the chest, was too tired, and didn't like playing against her own teammates. You see, we were participating by invitation in a community soccer league jamboree and one of the teams that we were scheduled to play against only had 4 players show for the game. The decision was made to split both teams putting some of the U12B (that is soccer code for Under the age of 12 - Boys team) on both sides of the field with an equal share of the U10G (my DD's team) girls to make two evenly matched teams. DD DID NOT like playing this game at all.

Did I mention that we were unprepared? Well, this unprepared-ness extended into the absence of any snacks or proper refreshments. Fortunately DD remembered her water bottle. But between games that is all she had. We (ME) made a mental list of what to bring to EVERY game from now on NO MATTER what the schedule says.

*Blanket
*thermos (of coffee -- duh!)
*snacks
*gatorade
*first aid kit

Second game went better. We played a different team, one that was fully "staffed" and DD was able to play with her teammates instead of against. Plus, one of the players on the other team is a fourth grade boy from her school that DD has taken a special interest in. She almost scored a goal against him. That seemed to put a smile back in her step.

Third game was interesting. This one was against the U10B team. They are a rowdy bunch. During the warm-up drill they were lined up... well, no I don't think you could actually call what they were doing "lining up". More, they were shoving each other out of line, budging each other, tossing each other out of line and moving up. It was kind of a "survival of the fittest" line up to take shots on the goalie. And then there were the girls... in direct contrast, politely taking turns and apologizing to their "friend" the goalie for scoring against her.

But, by the end of this game... all semblance of politeness was gone. At half time I overheard one of the girls complain "but they are pushing us away from the ball..." and the coach said "well push them back" and several girls said "you can do that?" By the end of the game the girls were elbow to elbow and putting up a good contest against these boys. Arrangements were made so that we could be able to scrimmage against them more often.

This is going to be fun.
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I just watched this movie with my kids two nights ago. Then I watched the extra DVD that came with the movie. The interviews with Herb Brooks and some of the players were amazing. I was transfixed by the insight into an event that I experienced as a young girl watching the Olympics on our TV.

I knew, even then, that this was more than just a Gold Medal for 20 athletes. There was something about the many victories during the Olympic games that resonated deeper than a sporting event. I was one)unfamiliar with hockey (it is not a big sport in Washington) and two)I was not a sports fan -- yet -- but I knew that something bigger was taking place at that moment.

The director of this movie seemed to pull off his own kind of miracle in making this movie. He managed to pull together hockey players -- not actors -- and then he coaxed drama out of them to recreate a retelling of an emotional story about a time when our country needed a "Miracle". It was really a special thing to be able to share the essence of that time in history with my kids. There is no way that I would ever have been able to "tell" my kids the story in such a way that would have imparted the whole impact that those Olympic champions had on our nation.

Oh sure, my kids had been told about the time that their mother had thought that she had killed her little brother because... in the adrenaline of the moment we had tried to recreate the excitement in our own home and he had positioned himself in a make shift goal and I had grabbed up a golf club to be the hockey player. (Don't even really know why we had a golf club in the house cuz Dad doesn't golf... hmmm). But instead of connecting with the imaginary puck I connected with his forehead splitting it clean open. (apparently, I have a powerful slap shot!) Let me tell you -- head wounds bleed out of proportion to the seriousness of the injury! I saw blood and I saw my brother go down and I screamed "I killed him, I killed him!" I didn't really kill him -- it turns out that he didn't even need stitches.

Well this story is one that my kids seem to enjoy and never tire of hearing. But, until "Miracle" they did not fully understand the context of the miracle that our country needed and received in 1980. Thanks to a very talented director we now have a visual account of a truly remarkable man of passion (Herb Brooks) and the part he played in a miracle.
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You would think that being done with school that my life would be dragging on with nothing to do.

Well, you would be wrong.

All throughout the school year there are the constant notes sent home in the weekly packets of correspondence that request any and all volunteers for various events (concerts, sales, dances, parties, etc.) The combination of these notes plus my never-ending assignments and homework plus the every day work of just being a single mom add up like grains of sand to eventually crush me with longing for the good 'ole days when I was able to be the volunteer for both of my kids at a moments notice.

But, in the last week since my final final (snickers at own play on words), I have been at the school almost everyday in one or both of my kids' classrooms and I will be there again tomorrow. This has been exactly what I needed to restore some balance back into the self-focused schedule that we all have been living with this semester, actually make that the last 4 semesters. Volunteering for fieldtrips, helping with math, reading to the class have all helped to restore me in the role of mother (as opposed to full-time student).

It's not that I stop being a mom -- EVER. That is not possible. Nor is it desired, so don't read more into what I am saying. It is just that the demands of being a full-time student tend to eat up any spare time or energy I have for being the kind of mother my kids used to have. Homework -- my homework -- takes the highest priority in the family schedule. I hate the way that this effects the rest of our lives. I hate the self-ish-ness of it that robs us of the mother and woman that I used to be and still am.

So for this week and the rest of the kids' school year, I am self-administering some much needed "therapy" as I turn the focus off of me and onto two of the most important people in my life, as I try to make up for ...

Lost Time.
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How can this even happen?

The afterschool snack du jour was chocolate frosting on graham crackers. The kidlets were doing the "cooking" for themselves. I hovered for the most part, offering my supervision as needed but did find a chance to leave the room for just a moment.

When I came back the kids had finished constructing several "sandwiches" and were sitting in front of the tellie. I don't have any homework now, so I could guiltlessly plop in front of the boob-tube and watch "Totally Spies" with the kidlets. My DS offered me one of the treats, which I accepted (I did say chocolate frosting!).

DS was lounging in a chair with his feet propped on the edge of the coffee table when I looked over at him and really saw him. He had gotten chocolate frosting on his face, his fingers, and his new t-shirt -- which really isn't the shocking part -- kinduv expected all that. BUT he had also gotten chocolate frosting on his socks! I asked him how he managed to get frosting on his socks and of course he had no clue.
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Fishing opener this last weekend.

A friend and her children came up from the cities on Friday. I was invited to join them in celebrating both a birthday and fishing opener. I spent most of Friday getting the kidlets ready for their weekend and getting my gear ready.

I got my first lesson in launching a boat. It was pretty tricky and a little nerve racking. I was saved from actually having to put the boat in the water by the fact that another truck pulled into the "on deck" spot so my teacher had to take over and get the launch over with quickly.

But, once we were on the lake we had a fine day. I was in a boat with my friend's two teenage sons. My friend was in a boat with her father. I caught my first Sucker (released). Then I caught a Walleye (dinner for tonight), and two perch (released). Later a Bass was caught and released (2 weeks too soon for them).

Oh did I loose a big fish. I thought that the way my pole bent over and didn't move that I had accidentally hooked a snag on the bottom and asked the driver of the boat to back up to the spot where it seemed that I was caught. But, the place that I was "caught" seemed to keep moving. I kept letting line out and reeling in, trying to avoid the spinning on the drag, as I was taught but I never could get my line to come in. Then it was all over, the line was slack and I was able to reel my hook up. I guessed that I must have been caught on the weeds after all and expected to see a huge clump of green and no worm. But, when my rigging came to the surface the worm and hook were all that were there, no weeds, nothing. I inspected the worm though and it had some huge slices in it. At dinner, all of us decided that I must have had something swallow the worm and hook -- whole. Whatever it was must have had a big mouth to have been able to swallow it all and avoid the hook.

It was a very exciting day. We stayed out just until the clouds moved in and the wind picked up (about 7 hours), just long enough for all of us to get pink noses (sunburned). Then it was time to load the boat. The next lesson in backing up the trailer went to the grandson of the boat owner. He did much better than I did.

To top off our day, we had a special dinner of venison steaks, potatoes, salad, and birthday cake.

Then, yesterday, I did a road trip to Duluth and back. The kidlets were with their father this weekend, camping in Northern Wisconsin. So, rather than have both of us drive south to meet at our usual spot we decided to meet in a midway point between the camp ground and Bemidji. Duluth is a little over 2 hours from Bemidji if you don't drive the speed limit. If you do, it is closer to 3 hours. Either way, it was a long time on the road. We made it home in 2 hours 20 minutes.

So now you know why I haven't posted in a while.
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Just as I was pushing the "publish" button on that last post I looked over at my desk calendar and gasped at what I saw...

*Reading in DD's class tomorrow
*DS's b-day next week... which means treats at school and then a separate party after school... with too many 2nd graders.
*Next Wednesday -- bowling field trip (DS's class)
*Wednesday after next -- class picnic (DS again)
*Friday after that -- class picnic (DD)
*More reading to DD's class sprinkled in there too!

Oh YaH!

"Pride cometh before a fall"... I am going out to the garage and putting on my rollerblading pads RIGHT NOW!
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There is almost always someone who has it worse than you.

I sure wouldn't want to be this woman!

(TeEhE!... ohh...ya..)
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AHHH! I have been busy doing

NOTHING!

And it feels sooo good. I finished my Milton final yesterday morning and promptly did absolutely nothing all the rest of the day and most of this day too.

So, 8 a.m. final -- supposed to be open book for the essay portion. Remember these Milton essay questions? -- Yah! Well, UM -- No... change of plans. I walk in and the Prof isn't even there and when I grab the test sheet and take my seat one of my classmates leans over and says "no notes -- no books" What!? Fill in the ________ with any swear word, your choice, cuz EVERY F*ing one of them went through my head! Yah! How do you write an essay with quotes to support your thesis when you didn't prepare for closed book by memorizing key passages?! EGAD!

Well WHATEVER! IT's done and in 2 days I am fishing!
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We were overcome by strong marketing and succumbed to the tempting packaging -- well, not really, but the watermelon sample was so good that we bought a whole one.

Now I have a favor to ask~
Could someone please check the MOTYA rule book and see if there is a ruling on letting your kids eat only watermelon for dinner.

Just curious.

I would look it up myself except I threw out my handbook years ago after being snubbed by the voting committee. Apparently you are only allowed one copy -- period. Who knew?

I am guessing that one ingredient meals are frowned on and considered a huge "no-no" so with that I say...

"Kids, time for dinner!"
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I was so relieved to see that hockey is back in the schedule.

I watched the Sharks and Flames yesterday. I tried to cheer for the American team, the Sharks, but I think that I am still so excited that the Flames beat Detroit that I inadvertently found myself cheering whenever Calgary scored, and then eventually won.

OOPS!
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I just posted two new reviews.

~ New York Minute (in theaters)

~ Holes (now available as a rental)

Just thought I would let you know, in case you were interested.

TTFN
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This quote about sums up motherhood. You see, at times I don’t have much confidence that I am making an impact or imparting the lessons that will result in my children growing to be adults of good character.

But on this day set aside to honor mothers, I find myself encouraged by all that I caught from my mother, the artist; and my grandmother, the practical farm wife – when it seemed like I wasn’t paying attention.

From my mother:
I caught the eye of an artist. She taught me to look at the world in such a way as to find beauty in everything and everyone – and it is there – everywhere.

I caught the heart of freedom. She taught me that love is freedom and freedom is love – allowing others the freedom to be themselves – loving someone exactly where they are – flaws and all.

I caught the thrill of adventure. She taught me to embrace the unexpected as an opportunity instead of an obstacle.

I caught the hand of God. Through her constant faith, I learned how to trust in God too.

From my grandmother:
I caught a foundation of balance. In her no-nonsense way, she taught me that ‘things’ are never more important than people.

(I could swear that I heard her voice whisper in my ear, on the night of our fire, that all that I had lost were only things – and all that mattered in life were now safely seated in a stranger’s living room.)

I caught a love for gardening. In her practical approach to life, she taught me the satisfaction I could derive from growing my own garden.

From Both:
I have learned how to persevere. Life will be hard at times. It is what you do in those times that will determine what defines you and what defeats you.

I have never seen these women defeated!

Oh, how I pray to be as contagious to my children as these women are to me.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Want to see this but will be seeing this instead.

The reality of being voted down 2:1.

A review will be posted here.
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What happened to the Stanley Cup Playoffs?

No hockey for 3 nights in a row!

Thank God fishing is just [8] days away.
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~ And you shall receive.

I forgot to share. Remember last week when I said this?

Well, on Monday, my kidlets brought me two trees. Evidently they had each received a seedling of our state's tree as part of a unit on learning about Minnesota.
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So I am having -- yet again -- another 'bad hair day'.

Contributing to my overall struggle are these facts; I am spending too much time in the wind -- resulting in the ends of my hair looking rather tattered like an old flag, I have cheap hair products, I broke my favorite styling brush and have yet to replace it, and I am going to bed too late to wake up early enough to invest precious study time in styling my hair that is only going to be shredded by Kamikaze winds in a half hour.

I really need several things; a haircut (or rather the time to make an appointment for a haircut), a better conditioner, a new styling brush, more sleep, school and studying to be over, and a hood to protect my hair (and my ears) from the strong winds coming off of Lake Bemidji (you would think I live in Chicago, seriously!)

And I am jealous of men. No matter what their hair looks like in the morning, with water and five minutes they look like they are ready for a photo-shoot for 'Outdoorsman of the Year'. And if that doesn't work then they put on a hat and they look like they are ready to pose for 'Outdoorsman of the Year Wearing a Hat'! It's not fair! (HaHa... I know, I will go read my own lecture and whatever other penance there is for whining [Did she just admit to whining?]...)

And "Why," you ask, "is a 'bad hair day' bringing this on?"

I'll tell you. (and, by the way, Thanks for asking) --

Because, when I can bring chaos, confusion, and rebellion into submission and create an ordered appealing arrangement of my hair then I feel like I can do the same with the rest of my life. I know it is only an illusion, this idea of an orderly life, but just allow me this one escape and let me go on thinking that if I could have a good hair day... all would be right in the world.
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No. No lectures. No hissing noises. Reasonable hair day. Coffee turned out okay. I even had to get up earlier than usual today despite having no classes to go to. But I handled this pretty good too.

And no -- the paper is still in the processor (that's code for *my head*). I am hoping that it will be finished in time to turn it in tomorrow after taking my first of two mid-terms. Okay, as l reread those last two sentences, they are not exactly accurate. Half of the paper is on Word, the other half is still in the 'processor'. It may not actually be turned in until next week at the final for that class.

But -- today -- I was a mom. I did only mom things. We had to get up early for an ortho appointment. We had to run to the store for a lunchable because I didn't find out that today was a fieldtrip day until last night AFTER play clothes were exchanged for pajamas. (I forgot to mark it on the calendar when I got the permission/info slip from the school several weeks ago... I knew there was a field trip coming up just didn't know it was today.) Then I volunteered at the school. And we just returned from the soccer field.
[*NOTE to SELF: dress warmer for the soccer field next time... brrrr] Next, we will read from our current chapter book and say prayers.

Then I will take off my MOMMY hat and put back on the STUDENT hat and study for my mid-term. Only 3 days to go and I get to hang the STUDENT hat on the hook for the summer.

[Only 9 days til Opener!]
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Sometimes I can be a little -- slow..

This morning was not a good morning for me:
1-Bad Hair Day
2-Bad Coffee Day
3-Not enough sleep
4-Unfinished paper (that is now late AAARRRGGG!)

I think I may have been making verbal (BUT not decipherable) communication-esque noises this morning... (I vaguely remember *fffssst-ing* or something like that)

But it just now dawned on me that when we drove by a particularly attractive home that had a newly posted "For Sale" sign in the yard, my daughter's desire to "buy it -- because we would be closer to school" may have actually been her subtle appeal for shorter drives which would result in shorter lectures!

AAAKKK! (I did apologize for my cranky behavior -- TWICE already)

I really must say --
That I have THE best two kids in the world. They are so quick to forgive my imperfections (probably because they have had a lot of opportunities...). I am posting this because when I write things like this down, I remember them. I will remember to be more forgiving of imperfections, I promise.

I learn as much or more from them as they do from me.
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From the 113.57 series:
The "Not Fair" Series

I delivered response "b" this morning.

It went something like this:

Me: I am done with school next Tuesday morning at 10:00. Yeah!

DS: Not Fair!

Me: What?! Why is that "Not Fair"? Have I not worked hard? Do I not deserve this break? Who has been going to school for over a year straight? Did you go to summer school last year? Because I did! So tell me why it is not fair that I finally am getting the long-needed break...I hate this phrase: "Not Fair". [:Pausing for breath...I continue:]

Do you think that it was not fair that Calgary, who played every bit as hard as Detroit did, did not deserve to win the other night? When you work hard for something you deserve your reward. I have worked hard for the last 4 semesters, I deserve this time off. You should be happy for me and not implying that I don't deserve this break.

Do you wish that you were done with school next Tuesday?

DS: yes...

Me: Well, I do to. I wish that you were both done next Tuesday too. So instead of telling me it is not fair that I am done and you aren't -- why don't you say what you really mean and tell me you wish you were done with school next Tuesday too and be happy for me that I finally get the break I need.

Thus endeth the lecture (because we were pulling into the school parking lot -- the poor dears -- or I am sure I would have continued because this is another one of these mornings)!
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::"Why can't we talk about it? Does it make us bad moms? No. Does it mean we love our children any less because we really want to sleep and be alone every now and then? Not at all. Does it mean we won't win "Mom of the Year"? Well, it probably does mean that, but so what? Do you really want it if it means you have to be fake about who you are and what you feel? I don't."::

Read More
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I am a little nervous.

It is my first time and I am excited and curious.

What will it be like?

Will it be as fun like the other times I have been similarly involved?

Will it be as satisfying?

I am a bit more committed this time because I am not going to be overly stressed or tired from too much homework like I was back then. But I love to experience new things so here I go... my first time to be ...

A soccer mom.

(Geez -- what did you think I meant?!)
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On my 'To-Do' list this weekend::"A Rite of Spring".

Only 11 days to get this chore checked off.
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Was hockey totally amazing last night? Or what! I love how the play-offs (in any sport) elevates the intensity of the players.

As a female fan, I am truly amazed at the endurance and resilience of these men. For 3 & 1/2 hours these two teams pounded on each other and I mean that literally. The fact that men can do this over and over again is a testament to the physical differences between the genders. I do not know any woman who could tolerate even one hit, even if it was delivered by another woman. We are just not made with that kind of strength. Which made me wonder where our strength resides.

I know many women that I would consider strong. Not physically strong. I know women who are physically strong relative to other women, but I am talking about a strength that is perceived rather than seen. This is what I came up with.

As a compliment to a man's physical stamina, strength and resilience I see women as having an emotional strength that is similar. (please note that I am not implying that men are not emotionally strong -- cuz I know they are) I was thinking about all of the stories that I have heard over the years -- and even in my own history -- how many times I have been asked how I could have endured the abuse in my former marriage for as long as I did. I really couldn't answer that. But, maybe watching the men play hockey last night gave me a clue.

These athletes were so focused on the goal -- winning -- that they did not acknowledge the pain. I bet this morning there are some groans to go along with the bruises, concussion, and stiches but at the time these were ignored and the players remained focused on winning.

Similarly, a woman may remain focused on the goal of trying to follow through on vows, raising children, and being faithful. She may be in a tremendous amount of pain at the time but her focus won't allow her to acknowledge this. It is only when the injuries to her body or spirit become life-threatening that she may pull herself out of the game. Divorce can look like a forfeit but it may actually be the result of one too many bone- (and spirit) crushing hits that forces her to that end. In the interim, there has been much emotional strength, stamina and resilience displayed. Only after removing herself from the contest is there time to really feel the painful after-effects of the pounding she took or to allow for healing.

So, it is with great respect that I watch all sports (except basketball... sorry, I can not stand the squeakie shoes) and marvel at the strength and endurance of the male physique. You men are awesome! Who ever wins the Stanley Cup will have earned it! (and a side-bar :: Yeah :: that it won't be Detroit *said with derision in her voice*)

I wish that there were an equivalent honor for women who have displayed a victorious level of strength in a different arena.
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The construction workers (me and him) have cleared out their tools and cleaned up their dust. It's done. Remodeling complete, new wall-paper hung,a fresh coat of paint -- and -- from here on in, the "Current Project" will forever be known as....

Drum roll.....

"Fire Ring Voices"


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In 15 minutes we will mark the second anniversary of an event that brought tremendous change to our lives. I have told part of our story here.

More good has come from this than you would expect.

I don't think it is possible to express what I mean when I say 'more', but I will try. From an event that is often times seen as a major set back, has come new opportunity, and a better life for me and my kids. In a guestimate of percentage, I would say that 95% of what has resulted from our loss has been positive.
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Is there such a thing?

I would have told you 'no' had you asked me that a month ago.

But, my perspective changed after visiting with a friend in the cities. We had a very rare opportunity -- planets lining up... etc. -- where her children and husband were away and my kidlets were away and we could enjoy a weekend just for the grown-up girls. We watched a few movies and ate out and had ice cream, but we also did homework and reading so at times we were both quiet.

Then I came home. I sat down one day to do my homework and I couldn't concentrate. Not because it was noisy or chaotic -- the kids were at school and the stereo and TV were off -- No, I couldn't concentrate because it was soooo quiet. I was missing something, a background noise but not a white noise.

I did a quick comparison and contrast betweent the quiet at my friends home and the quiet in mine. What I discovered to be the difference was the trees. Yes, trees. She has them in her yard and my home, being fairly new construction, does not.

So, how can trees make the difference between a peaceful but productive quiet and a quiet that is too quiet? Simple, her trees had birds singing in them. It was just that subtle touch of life and joy that made her quiet that much better than my quiet.

I want a tree!
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